Losing Hope and Faded Dreams
by MidOfNight456
Summary: I was the idiot who let my emotions get the best of me. All she did was care. And what do I do? I go and hurt her. Smooth move Benson.


I was reading sad Seddie fanfics…..and I just HAD to write this :D Hope you enjoy. It's sort of a song fic…..not really….kinda, whatever! You decide, I'm sick of arguing with the voices….they get mean :[

Disclaimer: I own nothing….except my pet rock Larry….but he ran away :/

_And we'd both go, down togetherWe'd stay there foreverJust try to get upAnd I'm sorry, this wasn't easyWhen I asked you believe me, and never let go_

She entered my apartment silently, not saying a word, not making a peep. I was terrified at first that she had come to kill me off, but the look in her blue eyes told me otherwise. She sat on the couch and kept her head down. I got scared again when I saw her began to shake a little. What I said…it wasn't that bad was it? I mean, she couldn't possibly have taken me seriously…could she?

"_Shut up Sam! You don't know anything, and don't pretend like you care. I don't give a rats ass about you, and you don't give a rats ass about me. I hate you and it will stay like that for the rest of our lives. Just…just leave me alone"_

How could she not know I had meant the exact opposite of those words? How could she not know, that I love her with every fiber of my being, and more? That with every glance, every prank, every remark, every twinkle of those bright ocean eyes, and every flip of that golden blonde hair, I fell even harder? No this isn't her fault, this is mine. I was the idiot who let my emotions get the best of me. All she did was care. And what do I do? I go and hurt her. Smooth move Benson.

"_Freddie…" she said, tears brimming as I began to walk away. _

I began to walk faster, knowing I had said something horribly wrong, but not man enough to face it. I should have turned around. I should have apologized. Maybe then, I wouldn't have the love of my life sobbing on the couch in front of me…wait, sobbing? Holy cheese and crackers, when did she start crying? Why hadn't I noticed? I ran over to her, breaking out of my own little world. As I placed one arm around her, her delicate little head snapped up and looked at me in the eyes with a look that made me want to find the tallest building ever, and jump.

"Freddie…do you….do you really hate me?" she said so un-Sam like.

_Well I'm thinking of the worst things, that I could say to youBut a promise doesn't mean a thing, anymoreAnd this never will be right with meAnd now you're trying desperatelyBut I'm, tongue-tied and terrified of what I'll say_

"Of coarse not Sam! I'm so sorry I said that…it was just-"

"Of coarse you do. Everyone does. Except maybe Carly, Spencer and Melanie. But they're just naturally nice. No one truly loves me. I am a horrible person who deserves to die a lonely horrid death. And I will, don't worry Freddie, I'll leave you alone, I won't bother you ever again" she said standing. I couldn't believe the utter rubbish that just left her mouth. No one loves her, not even me? What whacky world had this chick been living in for the last 5 years? She was half way out the door when I grabbed her arm and whirled her around. Her blonde curls smacking me in the face, revealing her tear stricken face.

"Sam. How could you possibly think that? You are a funny, beautiful, talented, bright, and amazing girl. Any one who doesn't love you is an idiot'

"But you don't love me" she said icily "and you're the smartest person I know"

"Oh Sam…but I do love you. More than you know…" I said drifting off, trying not to show how I really felt. Just incase she didn't feel it back.

"What do you mean more that I know? Don't tell me you're falling in love with me Benson" she laughed dryly. When I put my head down her eyes widened. I should have known. A girl like Sam could never love a nub like me.

"You…love me?…_You _love _me? _I don't believe it…I can't believe it….I _won't _believe it." she said shaking her head side to side.

_And then we'd both go, down togetherWe may stay there foreverI'll just try to get upAnd I'm sorry, this wasn't easyWhen I asked you believe me, you never let goBut I let go_

"Sam…I _do _love you. I promise. I didn't mean what I said back there at Groovy Smoothies. I was just….upset about something I found out earlier. And when you came and asked me what was wrong, I just lost it. I'm so sorry. You're the last person I'd ever want to hurt. Please believe me" I said to her, hoping she'd believed me. I look at her face and she seems to be processing what I just said. She looks…torn?

_I could only sing you sad songsAnd you could sing alongAnd you could see the melody, that's been calling at your wallsThis never will be right with meAnd now you're trying desperatelyBut I'm, tongue-tied and terrified of what I'll say_I didn't know what to say next, and neither did she. We just stood there in silence for a bout five minutes, the pressure building, before she spoke.

"I…I wish I could believe you Benson, I really do. I wish we could live happily ever after in a big blue house with a white picket fence, and a swimming pool, and kids and everything you deserve. But we can't. I'm not…I'm not good for you. I'll just make you miserable and bring you down. You deserve so much more. You deserve someone perfect, someone like Carly. I know I've always told you she'll never love you back, but I wish she would. That way…I could try to get over you, fall out of love with you. I had it all planned out in my head. You and her would get married, have a perfect life, and I'd baby-sit your beautiful obedient children. You falling in love with me was never a part of that plan. Please don't make this harder than it has to be Freddie. Please…"

_But I never told you everythingI'm losing hope and faded dreamsAnd every single memory, along the way_She…she loves me back…holy cheese. Samantha Marie Puckett loves me back.

"Sam" I say breathlessly

"No Freddie, don't…just let me leave, and for Carly's sake, we can pretend this never happened."

"I don't wanna pretend it never happened Sam! I don't want Carly, I want _you. _I only pretended to be in love with her to get you jealous. I never meant to hurt you Sam, I'm so sorry" I say looking into her eyes, gripping her wrist tight so she couldn't leave. She looked back at me her eyes glistening. She kept opening her mouth to talk, then shutting it just as fast. She looked like a fish out of water. A really cute fish.

_And then we both go, down togetherWe may stay there foreverJust try to get upAnd I'm sorry, this wasn't easyWhen I asked you believe me, you never let goBut I let goAnd we both go, down togetherAnd stay there foreverJust try to get upAnd then we both go down togetherWe may stay there foreverJust try to get upAnd I'm sorry, this wasn't easyWhen I asked you believe me, you never let goBut I let go..._

"Do…do you really mean that? Really truly? Cause if you don't I'll skin you alive Benson, you'd better not be jok-" I shut her up by doing what anyone would do in my case. I hit her.

"Did you just flick my forehead?"

"Yes, I did"

"What would posses you to do something like that at a time like this?"

"I did it because you were being ridiculous, why would I be lying about something like this? Of coarse I love you silly" she looked at me a minute longer before she broke out into a huge grin and hugged me tighter than I've ever been hugged. She pulled back and leaned closer, whispering something in my ear"

"A simple no would have sufficed"

"Huh? What do you- OW! Sam!"

She kissed me on the cheek and walked out of my apartment laughing. That's the last time I ever tell a girl I love her, flick her in the head, and then leave my butt unguarded as she whispers in my ear. Even if it was without a doubt worth it.


End file.
